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Monday, February 28th, 2005
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5:09 pm - Again
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I'm starting over and getting a new one. Nobody reads this one anymore.. so I guess nobody will see this. But just incase. the new livejournal is sweetgoodnights. i dunno i might end up making it private. but comment if you want me to make you a friend.. and maybe i will make it friends only or something
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| Saturday, October 16th, 2004
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5:25 pm - Opps i guess i forgot
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I haven;t updated in a long time... and i promised a few people I would. I still have nothing to write about. nothing exciting everrrrrrr happens. Oh yeah.. im grounded. thanks mike. I can still go to homecomming though so thats a good thing. i still don't feel like updating though soo yeah
current mood:  nostalgic
current music: nick
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| Friday, September 24th, 2004
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3:38 pm - I haven't updated in forever
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I haven't updated in a while, but i still don't feel like.. i will when i feel like it
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| Monday, September 13th, 2004
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5:09 pm - Hmm the date worked this time
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yeah so, I decided what im going to do with myself.
I'm completely moving on. New people and new places. I plan on keeping my friends, definatly, i love them. but i just want to.. get away from the bad things/places. Maybe I've found something good here like this.
I hope it works out. CUZ ITS A BEAUT!
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| Thursday, September 9th, 2004
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9:34 pm - oh what a day
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I just got back from cheerleading practice. I hated it. Soooo tiredening. Haha
Today my lovely face brandon-head came over. It was soo great to see him I haven't in forever. So we talked about a ton of things and watched tv. He took up my whole couch so i wanted to murder him. but whatever.
I am so freaking tired. I need a bath
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| Tuesday, September 7th, 2004
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6:01 pm - painters (ive had this in my head all day)
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Eighty years, an old lady now, sitting on the front porch
Watching the clouds roll by
They remind her of her lover, how he left her, and of times long ago,
When she used color carelessly, painted his portrait
A thousand times - or maybe just his smile -
And she and her canvas would follow him wherever he would go
'Cause they were painters and they were painting themselves
A lovely world
Oil streaked daisies covered the living room wall
He put water colored roses in her hair
He said, "Love, I love you, I want to give you the mountains, the sunshine,
the sunset too
I want to give you everything as beautiful as you are to me"
'Cause they were painters and they were painting themselves
A lovely world
So they sat down and made a drawing of their love, an art to live by
They painted every, passion every home, created every beautiful child
in the winter they were weavers of warmth,
in the summer they were carpenters of love
They thought blue prints were too sad so they made them yellow
'Cause they were painters, and they were painting themselves
A lovely world
Until one day the rain fell as thick as black oil
And in her heart she knew something was wrong
She went running
through the orchard screaming,
'No God, don't take him from me!'
But by the time she got there, she feared he already had gone
She got to where he lay, water colored roses in his hands for her
She threw them down screaming, 'Damn you man, don't leave me
with nothing left behind but these cold paintings, these cold portraits
to remind me!'
He said, 'Love I leave, but only a little, try to understand
I put my sould in this life we created with these four hands
Love, I leave, but only a little, this world holds me still
My body may die now, but these paintings are real'
So many seasons came and so many seasons went
and many times she saw he love's face watering the flowers,
talking to the trees and singing to his children,
And when the wind blew, she knew he was listening,
and how he seemed to laugh along, an how he seemed to hold her
when she was crying
'Cause they were painters, and they were painting themselves
A lovely world
Eighty years, an old lady now, sitting on the front porch
Watching the clouds roll by
They remind her of her lover, how he left her, and of times long ago,
When she used color carelessly, painted his portrait
A thousand times - or maybe just his smile -
And she and her canvas would follow him wherever he would go
Yes, she and her canvas still follow
Because they are painters and they are painting themselves
A lovely world
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| Thursday, September 2nd, 2004
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4:55 pm - Damn. September
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Well i started a book today. To Kill a Mockingbird. I was supposed to read it in school today but i pretended to read it and slept instead. It's supposed to be good so im pretty excited about that. I'm NOT excited about all the papers I have to right. It's mighty gay. Yeah so.. there are these 2 boys that I might sort of like. I don't know yet.. I guess im gunna have to wait and see what happens with that. It's so weird.. trying to find someone else to like. I shouldn't have to try but.. I need someone in my life like that. I shouldn't. But I do.
Hmm.. I have cheerleading tonight. Yuck. I'm trying to get ahold of Rachel to see if she wants to ride the bus home with me.
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| Monday, August 30th, 2004
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2:43 pm - I feel like I haven't written in forever!
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It's been a long time, glad to see your face.
I just had the best hot pocket. Yumm. My mom bought my favorite kind of cookies. they are the butter cookies that look like flowers. I used to stick them on my fingers when i was a kid and pretend they were rings. I'm so cool.. because, well, i still do that.
So today was pretty good i guess. I fell asleep in English i was soooo tired and kristine and jen poked me with a pencil. Meanies.
Last night was gay, Carey thinks im crazy. Haha well. oh well.. it did help me get over him. I went to school today and looked at guys like i had never opened my eyes before. We have hotttt guys at our school. Damn.
haha.
Homework!
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| Thursday, August 26th, 2004
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10:16 pm - oh gosh
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everything hurts so bad. i don't know what to do. It hurts so bad and everytime he says more I hurt worse. I don't want to fight. And definatly not cry. all i want to do is stop and be happy.
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9:56 pm - I know i know
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I know I fucked up. So hate me, everyone does now.
OKay, what else?
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| Wednesday, August 25th, 2004
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7:54 pm - oH MY
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So, i broke up with carey. i didn't want to, but i guess its for the best. i still heart him
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3:25 pm - It's almost like the hard times circle round
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Today was a really good day. but now i feel like shit. Carey's been acting so weird lately. And it makes me want to punch him. Because I really love him.. but I don't think he feels the same way. And it's really getting me down. And I feel like I'm getting all these bad ways, and that we are going to break up soon. But I really don't want to. I really really don't want that. and I feel like a bitch because i cant take anyones advice, but it all seems wrong.
In the summer, things we're better.
I miss it.
current mood:  sad
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| Monday, August 23rd, 2004
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4:38 pm - first day of school
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Today was.. the first day of school. and it sucked. this is my day
I walk around the school talking to people until 1st period.
1st period i go to ceramics and who do i see?!?! oh you know! its aaron mack! hes like sit with me! so me him and russ made dildos out of clay. Aaron called his "the ass dominator 2000".. its a beautiful peice of work. I realized i miss russ i haven't seen him in so long so im excited...
Then 2nd period I go to drawing and painting and i sit right next to tyler and this girl susie, so we all talked. And it was fun. Danny W. is in my class and he was like not even making eye contact with me, i found it quite funny.
LUNCH TIME! I have lunch with the coolest effing people on the planet. Jenship, Karys, Bobby Coleman (disdsisdhas), Sean soandso, teddy (yay), britto (she hates me--psh oh well) and a few other people.
Then I go to english. that class completely sucks, the only reason it doesn't is beacuse i have it with lizzie and shes a cuuutttie!
4th period is OMG so fucking boring. i wanted to kill myself. Im the only sophmore, everyone else is a loser junior or senior. EHCHDK!
Then the bus ride home is gay because the freshmen girls on my bus are sluts. FUCKERS, i'll kill you.
I love jenship
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| Saturday, August 21st, 2004
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12:16 am
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ah somebody.. kill me
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| Thursday, August 19th, 2004
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11:08 pm - so today..
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Today sean called me at like 7 and told me him and carey were coming over now. They lied :-(
Well carey did eventually come over. Im so glad we are still together. Being with him makes me so happy.. and comfortable. Then I had cheerleading today. I was sooo effing hot. The girl i was basing was sweating so much she was slipping right out of my arms. then me and some girls went to mc donalds and ate. yummy. tomorrow me and kristina go to the outlets for school shopping! yay!
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12:25 am - oh yay
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I sweat when i cry. haha jenna. I love you. you are my family guy partner
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| Wednesday, August 18th, 2004
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1:37 pm - mhm
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If me and carey are back together.. why do i still feel like shit?
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12:38 am - Im so hungry
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I feel like theres so much to say, so much that i cant even start saying any of it. Its so weird. I want to be able to express everything im feeling and thinking but i just cant get past the sitting. All im doing is sitting. I'm not smiling, or laughing, or talking, and im not even crying. I just feel like a robot or something.
I did laugh a few times today out of being happy. LIke when Nick lawrence asked me if i was at the school today and i said yeah. and he was like i knew i recognized that ass!
and when i told Jenna i cut my butt on my razor. Hearing her laugh made me so happy. I love Jenna.
I really really love my friends. So much. Without them..i'd be dead. Hopefully. (so don't leave me friends)
current mood:  hungry
current music: My head
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| Tuesday, August 17th, 2004
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8:42 pm - Oh gee, I love this song
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Another day has almost come and gone
Cant imagine what else could go wrong
Sometimes Id like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war
Tomorrows another day
And Im thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain
Its almost like the hard times circle round
A couple drops and they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated,
I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing - but Im not dead
I love this song, thanks mrs. denny for the CD haha.
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6:57 pm - ah
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So I just got back from a therapist appt. Looks like I'm going to start taking a new medicine soon. This is supposed to help me concentrate better in school or something. Who needs school. I'll probably die from shivering so much that my heart will shrivel up and die. haha Kristina I love you.
Today has been a really shitty day. I'd have to say. I have a feeling its going to be like this for a while though. And I don't want to be sad again. Not like I was.
Kristina and Rachel make me feel better. So do Dan and Matt last night.. I actually had a good time for a little bit last night. My favorite was when Dan said.. no smoking in my car.. and kristina said, jesus Dan it's only a 2 min ride we can handle it...Dan said.. well doesn't look like you've gone 2 minutes without one..which was true so it made me laugh.
Last night me and KRistina fell asleep cuddled. It was cute. Apparently Kristina paid Carey 1,000,000 bucks to break up with me, just so we could have that moment together.
My friend has a first name, its J-E-N-N-A
My friend has a second name, it's B-E-N-N-A
Oh I love to touch her every day,
And if you'll ask me what i'll sayyyyy
OH jenna benna has a way with F-A-G-G-O-T-S
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